Stop and Smell the Pickles
by HeRonFan
Summary: Following Jack's undercover work to bring down Colonels Makepeace and Maybourne, he must rebuild SG1's confidence and trust, beginning with Sam at a weeklong retreat at his cabin.  Charlie's death more plausible.  Jack can't be careless for no reason IMO.


**Stop and Smell the Pickles**

Synopsis: Following Jack's undercover work to bring down Colonel Maybourne, he must rebuild SG1's confidence and trust, beginning with Sam at a weeklong retreat at his cabin. _Mildly_ altered death of Charlie. (I just can't see our professional hero being careless for _no_ reason.)

"Charlie liked fishing. He could have forgone the getting up at dawn for it though," he mused.

Sam let a moment pass before she spoke. "Is it getting easier to talk about him?" she asked softly.

Jack turned suddenly toward her. He wasn't angry. He seemed surprised that the words had escaped his mouth. For a moment he was sure he had just thought them. Why was it getting so easy to talk around her now? When he had tried to keep her at arms length, just his 2IC, a military buddy, it was…efficient. They made a good team. It had surprised him. He had not looked forward to having a scientist on his team; Hammond had ordered it. One of his better decisions actually, Jack had to admit.

But this scientist was also Air Force through and through. They had the same calling to serve. They both understood the codes by which they lived. But, it was easier when his 2IC was male. Having Samantha Carter at his side could be confusing at times to say the least. This week was about a lot of things. For starters he was trying to overcome his hesitation in inviting the team up to his cabin. He never would have thought twice if all team members were male. So, he tried to reason that just because Carter was female, he should not discriminate. The problem was, she was a woman, all woman. She was hot from head to toe.

This week was about team building while dropping the ranks at the same time; it was an odd combination. General Hammond had noticed coldness in the demeanor of SG1 towards their CO following Jack's undercover mission to find out who was stealing alien technology. Jack had kept them in the dark, said some awful things to make them distance themselves from him. He had seemed to slink back into the angry, depressed man he had been after his son had died. An added level of disgust for the culprit, Colonel Maybourne, had developed as a result. He could feel a drop in trust, a hurt, a malaise around his team. It troubled him, yet at the same time, he felt the depth of what he had sacrificed in doing that job and was touched. The reality of how much they cared about him and how much he had hurt them had become palpable. Hammond said you could cut the tension with a knife in the briefing room. As they left he suggested to the colonel that they needed some downtime together to refocus the team. He wanted to give them a week long retreat at a another base, but Jack felt that his cabin would be the most personal if that was what the general was after. If the general made it an order, they couldn't refuse to drive to Minnesota for a little fishing, bar-b-quing, and general R & R.

O'Neill found the whole thing amusing really. How the hell was he going to stop calling her Carter and use her given name? It just itched of crossing the line to him. "Carter" kept it professional. He thought briefly of Teal'c. He would have great difficulty calling him Jack and Carter, Sam. It went against the grain for him in every way. He was a brother in arms. He understood the military life and the respect that ranks entailed. Space Monkey had it easy, he thought annoyed. But, it had been his decision, and ordered for everyone to act like civilians for a change. The irony was not lost on him.

Carter looked apprehensive a moment and then decided if she wanted to know and understand her commander more and fulfill mission parameters, then having him supply a little personal information would do it for her. She hesitated a moment and then took a breath and offered her own olive branch. "It took me five years before I could truly talk about my mother. Tell me about him, Jack."

Jack O'Neill scowled slightly as he took her in, appraising what was behind such a personal and painful request. This beautiful creature sitting comfortably with a leg tucked under her as she held a glass of red wine in her lap. She was looking up at him like an angel with the sun setting behind her golden hair. She traced the rim of her glass absent mindedly. He followed her eyes as they darted to her hand. There was a ring on her right hand he hadn't noticed her wear before today. It was a wide yellow gold band, an emerald cut sapphire with two huge brilliant diamonds on either side. It seemed too striking a piece to be a personal whim purchase. It was hard not to notice it. She usually just wore small earrings and her dog tags.

He sighed. I'm trained to notice things; that's all. He did not want to examine himself further than that when it came to Carter. He usually avoided examining her hands. They were delicate. He wondered how she managed that considering their line of work. _For crying out loud, what the hell am I doing here?_

She glanced back at him and caught his eye on her hand. He shook his head slightly, amazed that he let his thoughts wander so much during the conversation. The realization of their being alone was settling in. This was his personal space and no one had been allowed in his personal space since Charlie's death. Teal'c and Daniel would be up to join them tomorrow to fish. Daniel had a lecture to attend Monday night and Teal'c decided to wait and accompany him during the long drive. So today it was just him and Sam. Tonight too.

The silence stretched as he watched her, unable to figure her out; or was it unwilling? Being taken off guard personally was something Jack O'Neill did not permit easily. Damn, if she only knew how much he wanted to let down all his defenses when it came to her. The look in her eye was soft and compassionate, and direct as only Carter could be. He was slowly melting. Could she tell?

"What made Charlie, Charlie? Do you know what I mean?" she asked softly as she brought the glass to her full lips.

Jack tensely repositioned himself in the chair, then he planted both feet on the floorboards of the porch and braced himself. He stood up and walked to the railing, looking out over the water as the first star appeared in the evening sky. Sam thought he was about to get up and walk away when his voice broke the light whispering wind.

"He was special. All kids are special to their parents, I know, but he was. He was my light. He changed my world. He was pure innocence wrapped in my arms. When he smiled, it was just so magical, life and faith renewing if you will. Something we need in this line of work. Faith in humanity…As a baby, he slept through the night within three weeks of being brought home. Made us nervous at first, you know, first time parents and all that. He loved bath time, loved it when I walked through the door at night when I got home. Daddy was his first word. I can't tell you how incredible that was. When he saw me, he lit up. Sara would say he knew my walk down the hall by the sound of my footsteps.

"He loved cars first, and then trains. On his second birthday, I bought him a ship." Sam smiled at this. "He loved it. Said it was like Daddy's. Not really, but he equated my fishing boat with it and that was fine by me. Then action figures, he was watching a movie or two by then and identified with the characters, loved Star Wars. It was OK to shoot the bad guys because they all looked like robots."

"Star Wars?" she broke in, raising an eyebrow. She knew there was so much more to Jack than he ever let on to people. He smiled and raised his eyebrows as though he'd been caught in a little fib. "Go on," Sam urged, amused as she realized again how he liked to be in control while making others feel he was flying by the seat of his pants. She stood up and joined him at the railing, the breeze softly blowing back her hair.

"Sports came next. Got into soccer, don't understand why myself, but as long as he was having fun. Then I took him skating and that was it, hockey during the winter. We spent hours in the driveway or on the street in the summer with other kids in the neighborhood. But once he discovered baseball, that was his thing. I could throw a ball with him for hours, I swear. Really, he was interested in everything, as boys are at that age, still figuring out which sport is their thing. Video games, can't quite decide if I like them or not, but…" He shrugged, seeming to have met a wall in his thoughts.

"He was fun to be with. I'd have to be away for work for long periods, leave them. Sara didn't like that. I couldn't talk to her about anything to do with work. I had to lie a lot to both of them. I hated that. It put a distance between us, the only one until he died. He was so innocent; I wanted to keep him that way. Untouched, unspoiled by this nasty world and I ended up being the one who robbed him of it."

"I don't understand how you could think that of yourself. What happened was an accident; the same way my mother died. If I had continued to blame my dad for being late that night and not picking her up she never would have gotten into that taxi. If she hadn't she would be alive today. Those are a lot of "_ifs" _. It would have eaten me up and taken over if I hadn't come to terms with the fact that accidents happen and there's nothing anyone can do. Dad didn't mean for his wife to die when he took that phone call. But," she sighed, "I must admit when I could target my anger at him, it felt good, satisfying in a way. Better than accepting that random chance is working in our lives."

He stared at her. She had never told him about her mother's death. He had read her file when assigned to him. It said mother deceased. He hadn't really bothered too much with her family status, it was her fitness for the job that interested him.

"Doesn't make it any easier at first, though."

"No. Anger is a hell of a lot easier than acceptance." He nodded in agreement, and took a swig of his wine.

Sensing he had more to say, she urged him onward. "Go on."

"Ifs…He wanted me to teach him about firearms. I wanted to keep that side of life away from him as long as possible. I refused to teach him, keeping work away from him. If only…" He glanced at her, acknowledging her point. "He resented me for it. Four weeks later…"

Sam sensed what he really needed was to talk to someone about the day itself, the day the accident happened. Had he ever _really_ talked about it? Suddenly, she wondered who he got help from. Daniel had said he was suicidal afterwards. Maybe he had shut down, completely. She held his gaze and watched the horrors of that day pass through his eyes. She reached out and took his hand. "I'm here." _You're not alone_; she wanted to say as a hint of tears filled his eyes. She had seen love, anger and hurt when he spoke of his son, but this raw pain finally being let out put a lump in her own throat. "Go on."

He stared at her hand covering his. Slowly, his fingers opened to close around hers and squeeze.

"I got home from a mission, had permission to go straight home and debrief in the morning since I had been away for three weeks. Sara was getting ready to hang some new planters from the overhang in front of the porch. She had moved the ladder there. I suggested she move it to the garden in front of the porch, directly under where she was working. She nixed that idea; she didn't want to squish any flowers. She was quite independent; she had to be with me away so much. I said I would go up and change and help her afterwards. She and Charlie had apparently had an argument, he was in his room. I went to see him, it was so good to see him, despite his initial fowl mood. Got over that pretty quick when he saw me." He smiled at the memory. "I went to the bedroom to get changed. I had a gun locker in my closet. I had just removed my sidearm and was about to put it in the locker when I heard a crash. Sara had fallen, the ladder had tipped over. I dropped the gun, right there in front of the open locker. I ran downstairs immediately to see if she was ok. Charlie followed too."

He stopped and swallowed the lump in his throat. He squeezed her hand tighter without realizing it. Sam matched his grip, but said nothing. "In that second, I lost everything. My stupidity. Sara had a nasty cut. Charlie had gone to get the first aid kit to help clean it up, but went back in the house. Never liked the sight of blood. I cleaned and bandaged the cut and sat for a few minutes with her in the sunshine, joking that she really needed me afterall. That's when the shot rang out. My heart froze, I just felt like I died right there. Never felt pain like that, or panic. Four months in an Iraqi prison didn't hold a candle to this." His voice trailed off into a whisper, "All my fault."

"No."

"I was careless. I ran out to take care of Sara and in that moment I jeopardized his safety. Boys are curious…I went to help and…I lost them both."

He would not look at Sam as the tears silently fell. Quickly he wiped them away with his free hand and grabbed his glass of wine. Dimly, he thought he should have stuck with beer, but Sam wanted wine so he felt he should be the polite host and join her. Wine, he decided, made him talk too much.

Sam moved closer to him, needing to hug him but unsure how to attempt the touch so that it would be accepted and not brushed away. He had spent the last five years bottling up everything. Some of it he dealt with when the alien had come back through the Stargate and took Charlie's form, but mostly it seemed the alien was who dealt with the grief so much more than Jack. He had just stripped away his veneer and she could feel his vulnerability in spades. It was a little unsettling, even for Sam. Her hero was human after all.

"Friends, if you will," she said quietly. He turned to look at her. "You're my friend. Thank you for sharing Charlie with me. He sounds as wonderful as his father. Interested in all things, strong minded, a little moody?"

"Nah, he got that from his mother." Sam laughed and he joined her in a small smile. She was still holding his hand. He looked down at the entwined fingers and just enjoyed a moment where two people connected. He didn't want to look at her. She was more beautiful to him here, in the twilight, relaxed and dare he think it, but Carter seemed breezy. At this moment he felt so exposed that if he looked at her he wasn't sure he could hide the depth of emotion he felt for her.

In that moment though, she pulled his hand to turn his body to her and took him in her arms and held him, comforting him as best she could. He sank his face into her neck, breathing in the scent of her hair and though he could feel a shudder wanting to escape, he held it back. Accepting the hug, and using it to strengthen him as he pulled away from her. Enough weakness tonight. He took in a deep breath and smiled awkwardly at her. "You're not supposed to see you CO, you know, emotional. Might lose respect."

"Hardly, Jack. If anything, I understand you more, and have a deeper respect for you. I've lost people, my mom's the most difficult, but not someone I nurtured and cared for, not a child. I don't know how you put one foot in front of the other."

"Some days, I didn't." With that idea, he thought he could use a little exercise himself. He motioned to go for a walk down by the water, before it was too dark. She walked beside him, feeling in no way a subordinate from work, but someone sharing his life.

"How did you come out of it?" She thought she knew the answer, Daniel having told her, but it was good to see Jack dealing with it, and having him voice the fact that he had found life worth living again was affirming.

"Well, the Stargate becoming functional was a start, but really it only gave me an excuse to get out of the house I was so sick of. I was so angry. Sara…I shut her out, shut everything out. Stared at my gun and… The first mission to Abydos was to destroy the gate from the other side. One way mission, it seemed simple enough. It would solve my problems, I thought. But…Skarre, the people there didn't deserve it. Daniel…I owe him my life in a lot of ways. We beamed the bomb on to Ra's ship and, end of story for him. You know all this; you read the reports when you were at the Pentagon." She nodded. "Well, I came back here, didn't want to kill myself exactly, but didn't want the Air Force either. I just didn't know what I wanted at that point. So I existed for a year, before being recalled. That's about all I can call it, existence.

"That's when I met you." She smiled at him.

"Yes. You and your "reproductive organs on the inside"" He laughed. He reached down and picked up a rock and threw it into the lake, watching it skip four times. He stared a moment at the rings and then turned around to her. "Did you rehearse that?"

She blushed, "Well, it wasn't the first time I had been challenged in that manner."

"I owe you an apology."

"I've had worse, _Colonel_." They continued walking.

He winced. He was enjoying the ranks being dropped he realized. "I don't mean as your CO, I just mean as a human being, belittling you that way. Hell of way to meet the best 2IC I've ever had. Hell of a way to treat… a very special lady. You, Daniel, and Teal'c are what brought me back to wanting to live life again over just existing. Teal'c. What he did, what he gave up to do what he thought was right…It astounds me—his wife and son. If I had known he had a family during that first mission with you, one that mirrored my own that I had lost…I don't know how he did it. It flabbergasts me; it really does if I think about it too much. But, you _all _made me feel like I still had something of value. Daniel, just the regular good hearted guy, a little flakey, but that's who I swore to protect when I took this job. You…well you reminded me of myself, of what I had lost. Obviously not in the brains department, I never had that."

She made a sound indicating a certain degree of disagreement. His brain, she knew was very well developed in other areas. She relied on his expertise in the field, his competence, his quick thinking as much as he relied on her technological savvy.

"You had the esprit de corps that I missed. So having you around was a little greedy really on my part. I think you, how should I put this, recharged my patriotic battery, if you will. You know what I mean? I'm really lousy with words. So, you all changed my life."

She stopped walking and he followed suit. Looking at him directly, deeply she simply added, "I'm glad," and smiled softly. "Um, you changed my life too. Mostly good!"

"Mostly?"he said raising an eyebrown. "Uh-oh."

"Well, I can't say I'm fond of the Goa'uld, and all that, but I've enjoyed the challenges and the thrills of working there. There's nothing to compare it too, NASA doesn't hold a candle to this. You could have asked to have me transferred to another unit once they began making more teams. Get rid of that annoying scientist!" She took a chance and picked up on an underlying thread she could feel between them. She chose her words carefully, in case she was mistaken. _Regs, keep the regs in mind, Samantha_. "Things—could have been different."

"Is that what you want, Sam? To go to another team?" He felt heartbroken in that moment.

"No, I like working with you. You, Daniel and Teal'c are like my family. I trust you more than anyone out there."

Jack's heart sank even more as she said the word family, while at the same time, he felt the same way about his team. And they _were_ a team. He couldn't imagine breaking it up. He couldn't imagine losing Carter, yet every time they went through the gate, he knew they were taking a chance with all their lives.

"Trust?"

"Yes."

He was quiet a moment as he reflected on the word. "I thought I'd lost that with you…with all of you. After what I did." He swallowed the last of his wine noisily.

"I won't deny something broke. I felt betrayed; that everything we worked for together had just been stomped on. That you didn't trust us to tell us." She took the last sip of her wine. She saw his face fall in disappointment. "I understand orders. I know, but I'm sorry, it's how I felt."

Jack shook his head. "You have a right to your feelings Sam. Don't be sorry." He shoved his hand in his pocket, the other holding the empty glass upside down by the stem between his fingers, shaking it nervously as he motioned back and forth between them. He kicked a couple of pebbles toward the water and looked up at her. "But, we're OK now?" he asked hopefully, his word finally mirroring what his hand was motioning.

"Yes," she smiled as she reached out to still his glass.

"Good. Because something else has been bothering me. Where the hell did you get that rock?" he said grabbing her hand and holding it up for inspection. The moment he did it, he regretted it. An electrical current between them ignited like a match as their eyes met. Instantly, he tried to make light of the situation. "You know, if I pushed you in, you'd sink with that."

Sam laughed and in that opening Jack made another mistake. "Let's find out!" he joked. He grabbed Sam around the middle, pretending to throw her in the water. She struggled a little bit with a surprised un-Carter-like squeal escaping her lips. As their laughter died down and they righted themselves, both realized they were standing with their arms around each other lost in a moment and each other's eyes. It lasted mere seconds but it felt like minutes as Jack's gaze travelled to her lips. Her mouth opened slightly in a welcoming gesture as she tilted her chin upwards to meet him. As he bent his head ever so slightly to her in the hope of glorious rewards, a truck could be heard honking its way toward the cabin. The pair froze and looked at each other with a realization of what could have happened to them and cautiously took a step back.

"Saved by the horn!" he quipped, trying to pretend those few seconds didn't just happen. _No more wine this week for me._

Sam cleared her throat, "Uh," trying to think of something to say. "It belonged to my mother. It's her birthday today. I always wear it on her birthday, well lots of days really, but not when I'm on duty. If I'm off world, it's in one of my pockets with me if it coincided with her birthday," she continued nervously.

Jack nodded his head, pursing his lips. "Is that the only thing you do to commemorate her birthday?"

"No, I, well, I usually wish upon a star," she said embarrassed at such a ritual that had no scientific merit.

Jack smiled and nodded his head towards the heavens. "Well, there's the first one out tonight."

"Actually, sir, that's not a star, that's…"

"Venus, I know. And don't call me sir this week, remember." She nodded apologetically. "Sam, just go with the moment and don't analyze it. You know, life can be much more fun, if you just let it."

Sam stared at him a moment as two cab doors slammed shut behind them up at the cabin. What exactly are we talking about? She nodded her head. "You're right," she said choosing to take the literal meaning. Her nose stuck in a book for so much of her life, reading men was not a forte. But, the way he was looking at her she could feel her temperature rise.

She looked up at the planet, closed her eyes and made a wish. _Venus, of all planets_, she thought.

"You know," he said as he waved to Daniel and Teal'c. "Sometimes you just have to stop and smell the pickles." They started walking back.

"What?"

"Stop and smell the pickles. I know, for most people it's coffee. Charlie, would smell the pickles."

"Explain."

"Every time I opened a pickle jar, he wanted to smell them when he was little, but didn't want to eat them. He just wanted to enjoy the aroma. I hadn't ever thought of that before. My five year old was teaching me. Then it became a running joke." He stopped their progression towards the newly arrived members of their team, and looked at her smiling. "Thanks. You know, I hadn't thought of that in ages. It's a good memory and it feels OK to remember and smile about it. That's sorta new for me. I guess it was a good thing to talk about him for a bit."

"As I said, I enjoyed learning about him. Makes him seem more real to me, not just the picture in your locker anymore."

Jack smiled one last time, just for her. "By the way, since we're sharing so much here, I always go down and say hello to the lake and skip a stone for Charlie. That's my…thing." He shrugged.

She smiled, grateful for yet another small piece of this man's life. Damn, this Jack O'Neill could be so easy and personable. He was a dangerous, heady combination of strength, heart, and looks that could melt butter. She smiled and as they neared the other men, a small wall seemed to pass over her face, and then his too. Then he turned his attention fully to his newly arrived guests.

"Thought we weren't supposed to expect you 'til tomorrow? Let me give you a hand with that," he said as he hoisted a cooler out of the back of the truck.

"Daniel Jackson's lecturer cancelled due to food poisoning."

"He couldn't stomach you either?" _Shit_, he thought when he saw Jackson's hurt look. _Wrong thing to say when I'm trying to rebuild a friendship. Hell, I still gotta be me. How could I pass that one up?_

Daniel rolled his eyes and smiled sarcastically. "Did we miss anything?"

"Burnt steak," Sam replied quickly.

Jack shot her a hurt look. "Well, actually, just a five second delay on honking that horn would have seen Car…errrrr… Sam go head first into the lake to see if that rock she's wearing would weigh her down!"

"You wouldn't have? Really?"

"That seems highly unlikely considering its size and mass against the Maj…against Samantha's," Teal'c corrected himself uncomfortably. "I do not care for this arrangement O'Neill. It seems disrespectful."

"Jack. Indeed," Jack mocked. Teal'c raised an eyebrow. In that moment, Jack surrendered any plans he had for getting the Jaffa to have a beer. Using given names would be hard enough on him, but would provide endless amusement for Jack.

"Oh, that's beautiful ring, Sam. I've never seen you wear it." Daniel commented, hoisting his backpack over one shoulder.

"No, it was my mother's and it's her birthday today. Would you like a glass of wine?" she asked as she waved her empty glass.

"Hey, after the first glass, the rule here is you help yourself," he shot back at her.

Teal'c surveyed his surroundings. "Your recreational dwelling is well situated," Teal'c commented, refusing to call him Jack. O'Neill noticed and smirked.

"Thanks. See what you think when I wake you at five for fishing."

"Not me," Sam looked up distressed.

"Yes, you too. You have to do it at least once to appreciate how beautiful it is as the sun rises. Smell the pickles, Sam!"

"Yes, s…"

"Ah-ah-uh."

"JJJack. I need my beauty rest."

"No, you don't." Daniel complimented. "I've never heard you talk that way."

Sam laughed. "Civilian…What? I'm trying to act civilian around you this week. So, no woman in her right mind would want to get up at five am."

"Woman?" Jack looked up concerned.

"Yes. Deal with it!" Sam snapped. Then she couldn't keep her straight face. "Doesn't work, does it?" The men looked relieved and puzzled at the same time. "Sorry, I was trying to imagine what Janet would say to fishing at that hour. Can't say I'm dying to do it, but beauty rest is the last thing I have to worry about with you guys who've seen me covered in dirt, head to toe, and not shower for days at a time on missions." She turned to Jack, "Can I bring a book?"

"Not the first morning."

"Fine, but I draw the line at coffee."

"Why do humans require caffeinated refreshment? If you know you will be up early, plan your sleep schedule accordingly. I have never understood that lapse in judgment for an intelligent race."

Knowing full well that Teal'c's comment was directed at him, Jack switched the subject. "So, what kind of time did you make getting here? Did you remember about the speed trap I warned you about?" Jack inquired as they all disappeared into the cabin, each carrying a share of the load of groceries. "Oh, cake!"


End file.
